Hockey Pucks Asking For A Ban On Slap Shots

Dildo, NL – As the professional hockey season is about the midway mark, and unsigned players ask for the moon and the stars (plus a few million dollars) for their services, even hockey equipment is now making demands.

After hockey sticks obtained a ban on the “Braking-the-stick-with-the-knee” rage manoeuvre, pucks are now asking to be treated with less brutality.

“A slap shot can give you a headache for the entire game”, said one puck, adding that concussion is the norm in this line of business.

“Imagine being tossed around repeatedly, or slapped to reach over 100 Km/h and at the end, hit iron or glass at full velocity," added the rubbery disc .

Hockey pucks want also players to be more accurate in their shots so they can softly hit the net.

Last years, dozens of pucks entered concussion protocol after hitting the post or the crossbar.

The puck we interviewed says golf balls are also hit hard, but for many of them, the prestige of the game trumps everything.

“We are in constant pain and our only relief is when we end up in the netting or in the crowd and a fans brings us home” added the puck.

Most of the time, this means retirement as very few kids will play with such a precious item.

Baseballs, Cricket balls, footballs and volleyballs are just a few of the sports equipment and objects that will be part of the soon to be formed Association For The Respect Of Sports Objects (AFTROSO) which will advocate for the return of games and activities such as chess, checkers, backgammon and card playing.


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